


Take Me (Where I Need to Go)

by orphan_account



Category: EXO (Band), K-pop
Genre: Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Slice of Life, Urban ennui, critical capture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-28
Updated: 2014-09-28
Packaged: 2018-02-19 02:37:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2371373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Joonmyun feels like he doesn't belong, he finds someone who tethers him to a place he learns to call his own.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Take Me (Where I Need to Go)

His day starts with the annoyingly shrill sound of his alarm.

Kim Joonymun notes that that’s the third time his alarm has blared so he opens his eyes gingerly, but he doesn’t move to get up. It’s like this every morning – alarm goes off three times, Joonmyun opens his eyes, and then dreads the monotonously draining trip to the office. Sometimes he drives to the office; sometimes he rides the subway just for that little feeling that it’s different today.

He breathes in and out, and then finally props his elbow on the bed to get up. This day will probably be as mundane and tiring as the rest of them, but Joonmyun can’t help but hope something happens today, anything, that can help convince him that this is a place worth staying for.

It’s a hope he has for months now.

 

 

Three years ago when Joonmyun graduated from university, he had convinced his parents that he is old and responsible enough to be living on his own. It’s just right, he reasons, that he uses what he’s been learning all his life to feed himself. His mother had not been entirely fond of this idea, but eventually his father nodded his head and his mother tearfully gave in too. They got him an apartment in Songpa-gu as a last gift before he officially lives on his own.

Obviously, Joonmyun was excited about the whole thing. Everything was new then – his job as a human resources manager, his bachelor’s pad and 22nd floor view of the neighborhood, all the high-rises surrounding him everywhere he looks. It’s overwhelming, but he looks at all of it with shining eyes and blazing dreams.

This was his home now, and he would love it here.

 

 

The buildings and the traffic and the people constantly bustling about in the road and in the pavements used to fascinate him, but all things get old eventually. Three years later, slowly, all the sparkle of the city lost its appeal on Joonmyun.

 

 

When Joonmyun reaches the office that morning, he goes straight to his office and takes a look at the pile that is the report from the recruitment officers. It’s only been getting higher every day; he doesn’t know how this happens because he only ever works all his hours in the office. It’s as if he doesn’t even finish anything.

Nonetheless, he places his tumbler in a corner and sets to work. This is routine, always has been.

“Good morning, Mr. Kim.”

Joonmyun sighs. Even that velvety voice greeting him by 10 AM is routine. Predictable. He looks up from the file he’s currently perusing to give him a genuine smile.

“To you, too, Mr. Do.”

Do Kyungsoo, a younger co-worker from Marketing department, gives him a deadpan stare. Joonmyun doesn’t take it too seriously, though, because Kyungsoo never makes an effort to show what he’s feeling through facial expressions. He expects the younger one to get on with his business then. That’s what happens usually: Kyungsoo coming in, stopping by the HR office, and sending a dull morning greeting to Joonmyun’s way. However, this particular morning, he actually walks past the doorframe and continues to sit on the chair across from the slightly baffled man.

“Uh,” Joonmyun tries to start smart but there goes his attempt. “I see you’re feeling friendly today.”

Kyungsoo looks at him for a second before transferring his attention to Joonmyun’s bare desk and equally bare walls. He nods wistfully. “Not really.” He gazes at the older blankly. “I just thought I should visit you.”

“Really, why is that?” Joonmyun leans back on his chair a little, his fingers twirling a pen.

“I don’t know but maybe,” Kyungsoo shrugs, “because you look dead on your feet most of the time, even in the mornings; even before you make your second coffee for the day. Even Yixing noticed. Even Minseok spoke to me about it.”

Joonmyun’s fingers falter for a single moment, the pen freefalling to the carpeted floor unnoticed. “Oh. Uh.”

“You don’t have to say anything about it if you don’t feel like talking about it.”

“Okay.”

“But you look and act like shit lately, so I’m sure there is something wrong.”

And Joonmyun honestly has no idea what to say to that, because even in his head he admits there might be something wrong, he’s just not sure with what; he replies to the first part of Kyungsoo’s statement. “I don’t act like shit,” he says, somewhat defensively.

Kyungsoo sighs. “Yes, you do. You always turn down every invitation to go out for drinking nights.”

“Can’t I turn them down when I’m tired?”

“You’re entitled to turn them down, okay,” the younger concedes with a smile. “But not me.”

“What do you mean?” he asks cautiously; although Kyungsoo looks sweet when he wants to be, he can also be lethal.

But Kyungsoo’s got this face he puts on when he needs something and he knows he can’t get without grudgingly acting like a cute, harmless human being. He doesn’t change anything much, just opens his eyes a little wider and pauses his phrases in all the right places. “Joonmyun hyung, let’s go out and drink after work.”

If Joonmyun ever intended on saying no, he’d probably receive a beating, hence it’s all good that he helplessly nods his head in affirmative and goes back to his files of ideal recruits before Kyungsoo even reaches the door with a smirk.

 

 

Later that afternoon, Joonmyun finds himself being pushed inside a car by a small man that is driven to make him get his shit together. Kyungsoo is not usually vulgar with his words, but long hours of confinement in meeting rooms unleash his inner rough self. Joonmyun still isn’t decided whether he should fear for his safety or not.

Kyungsoo gets in the driver’s seat and sets to go. Minutes go on with neither of the two speaking until they’re almost out of Gangnam that Joonmyun decides to just go for it. “I would really love to just go home and rest – it’s been a long day.” He says that carefully, wondering if he needs to add in bits about feeling a little ill to convince Kyungsoo that he needs to be in the safety and comfort of his apartment, that he’s had enough of this city with glass walls and busy robotic people and bustling cars.

He doesn’t get the chance to launch into it, however, because Kyungsoo glares at him and that’s enough to sort of shut him up.

“You’re not allowed to weasel out of this, you know.”

“I’m not going to, I just… want to rest. Don’t you?”

“Resting, I will have endless of that when I stop breathing.”

“You know what I mean.”

“I do, actually.”

They’re silent again until Kyungsoo speaks. “Do people piss you off?”

“What?” Joonmyun replies confusedly. “Where did that come from?”

“I know you’re trying to get away from people. That’s what you’re doing, right? Why you always say—”

“Ah,” Joonmyun gets it. Kyungsoo is not seeing this right; Joonmyun isn’t sick of the people. It’s not them.

“It’s not that. It’s not that at all.”

Kyungsoo surely isn’t convinced, but he lets the subject go as he turns right and the silence is back again.

 

 

“What are we doing in Sillim-dong?” Joonmyun inquires off-handedly as he reads the sign they just passed. “We could have just bought soju in a mart and drank in a park, or something.”

When he looks at Kyungsoo, the younger is sporting a look that speaks volumes of what he thinks about Joonmyun’s idea. He has the grace not to say it out loud, but in the end Joonmyun still feels silly saying it.

After Kyungsoo finds a seemingly legal spot to park his car in, Joonmyun takes a look at his surrounding and literally takes a three-hundred-sixty turn to take in its entirety. This place is very different from where he works or from where he lives. The buildings that he can see approximately top eight floors, nothing higher. No buildings sparkle off the light of the setting sun, and they look different. When he looks at the whole scene the buildings seem to melt off each other, like cake out of the freezer.

He appreciates the novelty.

 

 

Apparently, Kyungsoo intends to re-introduce Joonmyun to the wonderful world of street food when he said they’re going out to drink.

“This place sells the best blood sausages in Seoul,” he informs Joonmyun as they occupy a table and its two seats. “Sundaeguk, baeksundae – you name it, they’ll satisfy your taste buds. I come here often.”

As he looks around the restaurant, Joonmyun tries to remember the last time he actually goes out and eat something like blood sausage. He can only remember eating tteokbokki from an outdoor stand with Sehun when his younger cousin came to visit him two years ago.

He’s about to ask Kyungsoo to help him decide what to get when a tanned guy in black apron strides over to their table and proceeds to stick his index finger in Kyungsoo’s nose, furthering his premature death by slowly dragging said finger to the side of the wide-eyed man’s lips.

The next moments come in a little blurry to Joonmyun’s mind but one second, Tanned Guy is dragging his finger to Kyungsoo’s face and walking away innocently like he didn’t just proclaim a death wish; Kyungsoo is standing up with a relatively murderously plain look on his face and muttering about one thing or another.

And then Joonmyun sees him.

His first feature that Joonmyun notices is his lips; they’re plump and red and remind him of cats andcuddles, of all things. Maybe his eyes are prettier than they are if Joonmyun has more seconds to gaze at them, too, but this handsome guy is moving his mouth.

Joonmyun finally sees that this guy is also restraining his friend, smiling casually as if his intervention is something he does all the time.

“No, Jongdae, just let me have one go – this little shit needs to learn.”

Kyungsoo’s soft voice conveying his wrath snaps Joonmyun’s priorities back into place. “Kyungsoo, please sit down.”

Before Kyungsoo even responds, the man – probably named Jongdae – holding him back turns to look at Joonmyun, surprised. “Hey, you have company!”

Giving up his pursuit to revenge, the smaller man finally sits down and grunts, “Yeah. Joonmyun, Jongdae. Jongdae, Joonmyun.”

Joonmyun tilts his head in a greeting and now he observes how ridiculously high Jongdae’s cheekbones are. “Your cheekbones are so high.”

The twin looks of mild shock promptly helps him realize his slip, but as he hurries to think of something to cover his mostly inappropriate greeting for someone he just met, Jongdae lets out a tinkling laughter. It reminds Joonmyun of piano keys.

“So I’ve been told countless times,” Jongdae tells him, that smile still on his face. “My mother told me once these cheekbones will bring me all the luck I need in life.

“We’ll have two servings of baeksundae and a bottle of soju, Jongdae,” Kyungsoo chimes, eyes slightly narrowed.

Jongdae nods. “Coming right up.”

Kyungsoo watches Jongdae’s back for all of three seconds before shooting his glare at Joonmyun. “What was that?”

“What was what?” he answers innocently. Kyungsoo opens his mouth to reply but Joonmyun gives up all pretenses and just admits, “He does have high cheekbones, though.”

“That doesn’t warrant you to actually comment about his face.”

“I didn’t mean to! It just slipped!”

Kyungsoo snorts. But suddenly his face turns serious. “Hyung, you know you can talk to me about whatever it is that’s bothering you.”

Joonmyun indeed knows that, and he appreciates it. It’s just never occurred to him to vocalize his thoughts to anyone, afraid that saying it out loud will make it more than true.

(The truth is that he feels lost, but worse. He’s not sure where he’s supposed to go, but he’s not sure he wants to stay where he is either.

He wonders if homelessness feels this way.)

 

 

Later, Joonmyun figures out that the brave – or stupid – young man that dared to annoy Kyungsoo deliberately is named Jongin. The way he gets to know this is because of Jongdae’s alarmed yells when he sees that Kyungsoo has succeeded in forcing Jongin in a headlock and was currently choking him. Joonmyun has been too shocked to stop the inevitable.

But anyway, Jongdae managed to calm down Kyungsoo with a carton of milk so it’s all good.

 

 

Under his covers that night, Joonmyun feels slightly different than he remembers feeling in the past. It’s just a very small difference, and he won’t even realize the change if he weren’t making a plan to come back to that blood sausage restaurant.

The difference is that he hasn’t made plans to see anything other than the walls of his apartment for the longest time.

 

 

On certain optimistic days, Joonmyun tries to orient his psyche back to liking the city by ignoring his car key dangling next to his door and taking the subway to Gangnam, popping his earphones right in his ear to listen to foreign artists sing words he can’t quite get. He looks at the passing scenery and tries to remember the emotions he used to feel during those first few months of being an adult, the exhilaration of being in a place where he can get lost and still know that he’d like wherever he’d land. This works for some days but soon enough he’ll feel just as empty afterwards.

This particular morning, he takes all chances and leaves his key hanging in its hook as he grabs his coffee tumbler from the counter. He’ll take the subway and later walk among the other creatures wandering on the streets on the way to their own air-conditioned offices. He’ll take a deep breath and feel the sun on his skin.

Hopefully, he will feel different; he will feel something.

 

 

He decides about it during lunch.

“What do you mean you want to go to Sillim again?” Kyungsoo’s eyes are full of suspicions, his rice only centimeters away from his gaping mouth.

“I mean I want to go to Sillim after work today.” Joonmyun is going for the nonchalant effect with that, but one look at the younger’s raised eyebrows sends quivers to his front. “Well, the food is great!”

“Usually you find ways to have your food delivered to your doorstep when you crave for it.”

“There’s nothing wrong with wanting to go out, is there?” he challenges instead, because Kyungsoo is right. “So, are you going with me?”

“Of course there’s nothing wrong with that,” Kyungsoo shrugs. “But I can’t go with you because of that meeting for the new project. God I hate meetings.”

Joonmyun feels sorry for Kyungsoo, but when he remembers certain cheekbones and a smile that can kill, he thinks it’s okay he’s alone.

 

 

“Oh, it’s the million-won-smile hyung,” is what greets Joonmyun when he takes a seat at a lone table at the back of the restaurant. “Where’s Kyungsoo?”

“Not here,” he answers coolly, reaching for one of the list of menus in the middle of the table. Jongin’s nickname for him is a little intriguing, but he can’t bring himself to ask about it.

Jongin frowns. “Well, okay. Just call out when you’re ready to order.”

Joonmyun already knows what he wants to order even before he entered the restaurant, but he’s hesitant to say it. Once he orders it will start the timer, because after he finishes his meal he’ll have to go. He hasn’t even seen him yet.

“Hi.”

Startled, Joonmyun drops the menu he is holding. How can a voice sound like a smile? He bends down to pick up what he dropped and hide the growing smile on his face, but the attempt is pointless – Jongdae’s own grin beams under the table.

Jongdae’s hand reaches for the menu first, and Joonmyun doesn’t compete. They both straighten up.

“You’re here again,” Jongdae observes brightly. “Are you alone?”

Joonmyun clasps his hands together on the table. “Yeah, I liked the food, so I thought I’d come back. Here I am.”

“I’m glad.” Jongdae’s smile freezes for a second, and he reiterates, “I mean, I’m an employee here so it’s— I’m glad because you came back— I mean because I work here and people liking the food here is good. You know?” he ends quite lamely.

Joonmyun suddenly gets some kind of bubbly feeling in his stomach, and something is threatening to split his face in half, so he tries to hold his lips, but soon enough the bubbly feeling is spilling through his them and he’s laughing. Flustered Jongdae is the cutest.

“Do I?”

“Yes, you know. I’m glad that you’re here, but nothing personal.”

“Right.”

It takes them five seconds of staring at each other before they’re both laughing. Joonmyun laughs because he feels light – staring at such a beautiful face openly can give one that feeling.

“So, what can I get such a valued customer?” Jongdae asks grandly.

Joonmyun pretends to think hard, scrunching his face until Jongdae’s shoulder is shaking while trying not to laugh. “I’ll have the classic blood sausage and a bottle of soju. Thank you, dear sir.”

Jongdae gives him a playful bow.

 

 

Joonmyun feels light and uncharacteristically giddy during the entire two hours of his stay inside the restaurant.

He tries not to drink all of his soju since he still intends to go back to his apartment in one piece and he has low tolerance for alcohol; he mostly succeeds, thanks to Jongdae who passes by his table and constantly asks if he needs anything, making gooey faces every time he says no. It’s weird how he is allowing Jongdae to feel so comfortable with him even though he’s younger and they just met, but Jongdae is fun, so he lets it be.

Soon enough, there’s only one piece of sundae on Joonmyun’s plate, and he’s loathe to pop it in his mouth. He hasn’t even decided how he’s going to say goodbye to Jongdae! Or should he even say goodbye at all? He looks at his food in consternation.

“Are you going to eat that?”

Joonmyun looks up promptly at the question. Jongdae is looking at him, amusement shining in his eyes. “Yes.”

“Why were you looking at it like that, then? Are you worried it’ll run away?” the employee teases.

Looking pointedly at this guy with the high cheekbones, Joonmyun pops the snack in his mouth, chews, and gulps. “No.”

Jongdae laughs, and again Joonmyun remembers piano keys. “My shift is done; wanna go out for a walk, hyung?”

Joonmyun intends to say no, he really does. There are reports to write and applications to review; he needs to call his mom and tell her how he’s doing; it’s late at night – he has valid reasons to turn down a simple offer like that.

Yet he doesn’t. “Okay, sure.”

 

 

 

Jongdae and Joonmyun passes by a skate park, full of graffiti on the walls and metal tubes propped on the ground. Joonmyun watches Jongdae skip to a long one and cross on it, arms spread out on his sides to balance him. One foot still slips, though, and he breaks his fall with his right arm.

“Hey,” Joonmyun says, alarmed; he’s seen enough broken arms because of seemingly harmless falls when he volunteered for Red Cross in high school. He rushes to Jongdae’s side. “Are you okay? Be careful!”

To his surprise – and relief – the younger man just laughs. “I’m okay, hyung. It’s just a fall.”  
He doesn’t get up, instead makes himself more comfortable. Joonmyun follows suit. “Do you always move so carelessly?”

“I wasn’t careless,” Jongdae tells him with a grin. “It’s called having fun. Besides, the fall wasn’t even that high – it’s less than a foot tall.”

“That’s true,” Joonmyun concedes after a few seconds of thinking about it. “Maybe I’m just too uptight.” Ah, he slaps himself mentally for saying that out loud. Why does he have to blurt out every thought he has when he’s with this guy?

Of course this makes Jongdae laugh again and after a while, Joonmyun thinks what the hell and laughs along with him.

When they both calm down, the younger asks random questions about him – they’re in getting-to-know-each-other stage, after all. He asks about favorite colors, favorite school subjects, favorite cartoon character, favorite snack (“Potato chips!” Joonmyun exclaims enthusiastically. Jongdae’s eyes widen, “Me, too!), even favorite pet.

“I’ve never had a pet,” Joonmyun tells him sadly. “My mom’s allergic to fur, and all I've ever wanted was a dog.”

Jongdae looks at him sympathetically. “If it makes you feel better, I had a suicidal gold fish when I was nine. It would jump out of the water and my parents would try to put it back in its bowl just so I wouldn’t throw tantrums. In the end I gave up and just let him swim in the river with other fish.”

Joonmyun stares at him, unsure of what face to pull to fit the atmosphere because, is Jongdae serious?

“Its name was Gold – I wasn’t very creative with names,” Jongdae continues, looking straight at Joonmyun’s blank face. “I was traumatized so I never had another pet after that.”

Joonmyun moves his hand, about to give the other an awkward sympathetic pat on the shoulder when he notices that the natural curl of Jongdae’s lips are shaking. Jongdae is stifling a smile.

Joonmyun pushes him away until Jongdae is letting out obnoxious chortles, clutching his stomach. He’s laughing so hard that he has to lean to Joonmyun to steady himself to sit again; Joonmyun lets him.

“But it’s true; I really had that kind of pet.”

“Yeah. Whatever.”

Jongdae pushes him playfully, resulting in a silly fight of flailing arms. They only stop when a lamppost near them goes out.

“That’s probably my cue to go,” Joonmyun announces gingerly. He’s surprised with himself if he’s being honest; he completely loses his sense of time, playing around with someone younger at night, someone he met only the day before, and yet he feels lighter than ever. Like he’s finally comfortable with his surroundings, with himself.

 

 

FROM: Unknown number

Hello, hyung! Guess who?

You must be asleep now so just guess in the morning, I think. ^^

12:53AM

 

 

Joonmyun doesn’t wake up to his alarm. In fact, he wakes up even before the first of his three alarms goes off. He checks his phone for any e-mails before he gets up, deciding that he’s feeling too awake to try and go back to sleep anyway.

The SMS that greets him makes him smile, shaking his head. He’s not even sure if the sender really is Jongdae – no reason to believe it is Jongdae – since he never even gave the other his number. Still, it seems like the sort of thing that the sundae waiter will do.

 

TO: Unknown number

I’m really bad at guessing. -_- But good morning, stranger.

5:49AM

FROM: Unknown number

At least try, then :D Good morning too, hyung!

6:18AM

Joonmyun decides against trying; the sender can be Sehun, or Kyungsoo, or worse, Baekhyun – his extremely capable but extremely insolent student trainee – pranking him. Now that he’s had food in his stomach and he’s not half-asleep, he can think about this logically.

He’ll just let this Unknown Number reveal himself. If he doesn’t, too bad.

 

 

FROM: Unknown number

Hyung~

8:25AM

FROM: Unknown number

It’s Jongdae! Kim Jongdae, from the sundae restaurant ~.~

8:29AM

Joonmyun chuckles at himself. So he’s right, it is Jongdae.

TO: Kim Jongdae

Why did you even make me guess if you’d just reveal yourself eventually?

8:30AM

FROM: Kim Jongdae

You weren’t guessing, you said so ~_~

8:30AM

TO: Kim Jongdae

I did say I don’t like guessing. :) How did you get my number, by the way? I don’t remember giving it to you?

Hey, I’m driving to the office, so I’ll be replying later.

8:30AM

“Is it weird that I’m explaining why I’ll be replying later?” Joonmyun asks himself out loud. For some reason, he feels compelled to respond to Jongdae’s message as soon as it arrives. He shrugs; he’s just being polite.

FROM: Kim Jongdae

I’d say you have three guesses, but it’s more likely that you’ll just ignore my message so…

You dropped your business cards in the park last night and I helped myself to one of them. That’s alright, right?

And drive safely!

8:31AM

As soon as Joonmyun sits on his rotating chair, he checks his bag and finds that it doesn’t have his business cards. He remembers then that he placed it in his pocket yesterday.

TO: Kim Jongdae

Oh, that. Thanks for picking it up. It’ll be a hassle to have another set made. ^^;

9:12AM

FROM: Kim Jongdae

No prob! :D I can bring it to you some time, when you’re not busy? :)

9:13AM

TO: Kim Jongdae

You don’t need to bother. I can just go to the restaurant to get it?

9:13AM

FROM: Kim Jongdae

I need to go to Yeongdeungpo, anyway, so there’s really no problem :D We can meet during your lunch break, then?

9:13AM

TO: Kim Jongdae

Okay ^^

9:14AM

Joonmyun doesn’t really notice his lips are upturned until he hears papers cascading to the floor. The sound is faint, but the dramatic gasp that comes with it is enough to make him sigh and sag to his chair helplessly.

“Songsaengnim, is that a real smile? Who did that to you? Tell me so I know who should receive the flowers!”

“Good morning, Baekhyun,” he says. “Did you finish filing up the 201 files yesterday?”

“Tell me why you’re smiling first,” Baekhyun demands, picking up the folder that he let fall earlier. “Usually your smile attempts end up more like grimaces than anything; like you’d rather break your face in half than smile. Do you have a date?”

Baekhyun doesn’t cause any trouble when it comes with his performance, but just his voice has the power to trigger a headache in Joonmyun; the first words he ever uttered in Joonmyun’s presence were I thought you’d be taller. He massages his temple.

Thankfully, his intern leaves him in peace after placing the reimbursement folder on his desk quietly – as quietly as one singing something that sounds like a girl group song can be. Once the door is closed, the grin is back on his face.

“Date, huh.”

 

 

Trying to keep the bounce out of his steps, Joonmyun makes a beeline for the elevator to meet Jongdae. And buy lunch, of course.

It has not been long since he met the young man from the restaurant, but he already feels comfortable meeting up with him. It doesn’t matter what it is for; Joonmyun bets that he’ll be glad to go with him anywhere, for any reason. Jongdae just seems to be a vessel of positive energy to Joonmyun.

Joonmyun looks around the lobby and doesn’t see Jongdae anywhere; Jongdae says he’ll be here right at noon, but he’s not. He walks out of the main doors just to check, and there he is, standing under the heat of the sun playing with a small gadget. He’s wearing a snapback to shade a bit of his face from the glare, but Joonmyun can see his lips that are almost always smiling because of its natural curl.

“Hey, Joonmyun hyung!” Jongdae waves his hand enthusiastically when he sees that Joonmyun is approaching. His face is bright with a smile when his hyung stands in front of him. “How’s your day?”

“Good,” answers Joonmyun plainly, because how else will he say that he’s waiting for this moment to come all morning? It doesn’t help that he only had two interviews and not much to distract him from Jongdae besides drafting contracts and reviewing the interview sheets of position candidates.

Jongdae nods, almost… disappointed? But he holds out a leather case that has Joonmyun’s cards. Joonmyun accepts it with a smile, and for two seconds there is an awkward silence.

“So,” Jongdae starts, “I better get going.”

“Oh.” Do you have to? “Don’t you want to have lunch first? I mean, on me. Since you brought this –” he indicates the leather case “– back and all.”

“I’m… There’s this thing and this deadline and I need to make it badly,” he explains apologetically even as he pockets the small gadget (oh, a video camera) and clambers to his bike – which Joonmyun doesn’t even notice – but when he looks up, he appears hopeful. He says playfully, “Maybe next time? Because you do need to make it up to me.”

It is hopeful but casual, all the same. Nothing implies that it’s anything more than lunch, but inside Joonmyun is relieved that he has another reason to see Jongdae. He grins and assures the other, “Next time it is. Good luck with that thing.”

“I’ll text you, hyung. You need to reply to me, okay?”

“Of course.”

Of course.

 

 

Days later, they settle to meet on a Saturday. The day is particularly nice, incidentally, and Joonmyun usually spends days like this one cooped up in his apartment. It’s a perfect day to be away from the emptiness of the city; in his own space, Joonmyun can pretend that he likes where he is.

He has a feeling he doesn’t have to pretend that day.

 

 

“Seriously, how much do you like blood sausage, hyung?” Jongdae grumbles as he sits down on a seat at the back of restaurant.

Joonmyun chuckles. Blood sausage is okay, but it’s not really the reason he suggested this place when Jongdae asked where they should go. The truth is he can’t come up with any other place. “Don’t you like what you serve here? I remember you saying since you’re an employee –”

“Fine,” the other scowls at him playfully. But then his expression turns a little more serious, his lips more of a line than a curl, eyes downcast. “It’s just, I already spend enough of my time here for work…”

Oh. Yeah, Joonmyun guesses he should have considered that. He says, sheepish, “You can suggest a place then.”

Jongdae looks at him, confused. “Why?”

“So I know what place to search in Google Maps when I’m bored,” Joonmyun deadpans. “So we can go there, of course.”

Just then Jongin approaches them with a knowing smile. “Look who we have here! I missed you, Jongdae hyung. Hello to you, million— I mean Joonmyun hyung.”

Joonmyun smiles at him, intrigued with that nickname yet again. “I’ll have whatever Jongdae’s having.”

Jongin’s reaction to that is like that of a kid who was told that Christmas came early and that he has more gifts than last year. This amuses Joonmyun because Jongin may have good looks, but he’s honestly a child inside.

Jongin’s expression doesn’t seem to amuse Jongdae though, if the kick in the shin that causes Jongin to jump up and down is any indication. He narrows his eyes and tells Jongin pointedly, “Why don’t you go and get our order then, you know what I usually have.”

“Does that—”

“Shoo.”

“But I’m pretty sure you’ll want to have—”

“Jongin.”

“Fine.” And Jongin stomps to the kitchen.

Joonmyun expectantly looks at Jongdae and cocks an eyebrow; that has been an interesting interaction between friends. He waits for Jongdae to say something about it, but all he gets is a clearing of throat. “Do you know that Jongin has a nickname for me?”

“Does he?” replies Jongdae, a tad bit too innocently.

“He called me the million-won-smile hyung the last time I was here.” He is trying hard to keep his grin off his face, albeit it’s difficult to do so because the man in front of him is nothing short of blushing. “Do you have any idea why?”

“It could be that Jongin has a very creative mind. He has no idea how to use the creativity so he just gives everyone a nickname.” Jongdae nods to himself. “Yes, just ignore him.”

Of course Joonmyun is unconvinced, but he lets it go, and when Jongin comes back with their order he keeps his mouth shut as Jongdae fixes him a look.

Jongdae tells him after a while, “I know where we can go today, hyung.”

“Where?”

“Cheongpung Land!”

What. “That’s… out of Seoul though. Don’t you want to go to a closer theme park?” Joonmyun compromises as he picks up his glass of water.

Jongdae pauses and looks like he’s contemplating something. “But they have Bungee Jump facilities that closer theme parks don’t have.”

Joonmyun coughs as he almost inhales the water. “Bungee jump?”

“Yes,” answers the smiling man, handing Joonmyun a napkin to wipe his chin with. “Is that a little too extreme for you?”

He accepts the napkin and wipes his face, a little flustered at the way Jongdae is looking at him. “Not really. I just. Yes, yes, a little too extreme for me. The most extreme activities that I’ve done in years are ride a bus and walk twenty-two flights of stairs,” he admits plainly.

“Twenty-two flights of stairs? That’s a lot,” Jongdae comments, mouth hanging open in disbelief. “Isn’t that extremely tiring?”

Joonmyun chuckles. “It’s tiring, yeah. But you’re the one who wants to Bungee jump.”

 

 

“Jongdae.” Joonmyun looks around himself carefully, just to check if he’s missing something that isn’t obvious. “We are in a playground.”

However, said man is already running to the swing in childish abandon, five meters from where they – and now only Joonmyun – were standing. Joonmyun sighs as he follows the other and sits on the swing beside him. Jongdae is hitting his feet to the ground to push himself up in the air and his hair is all over his face. Suddenly, all the running children and yelling parents surrounding them are muted in Joonmyun’s ears and blurry in his periphery. It’s just Jongdae.

“Hey! Why aren’t you swinging yourself?” Jongdae yells, still soaring into the air with his legs straight in front of him. “This is fun! Come on!”

And so Joonmyun does; he feels like flying anyway.

 

 

 

FROM: Jongdae

Hyung~

7:06PM

TO: Jongdae

Yes, Jongdae-ah?

7:10PM

FROM: Jongdae

I was just wondering if you want to come with me next Saturday? I’m going to do this thing.

7:11PM

TO: Jongdae

Is that the same Thing you did when you brought my business cards?

7:11PM

FROM: Jongdae

Sort of…

7:11PM

TO: Jongdae

Are you going to tell me what it is? ^^

7:12PM

FROM: Jongdae

If you say yes, maybe I will :D

7:12PM

TO: Jongdae

Okay, see you on Saturday! :D

7:13PM

 

 

It’s another clear day when they meet again, so Joonmyun decides to ditch his starched button down shirt and picks a comfortable cotton V-neck shirt. It feels weird going out in such casual wear but he realizes that he likes it more.

Jongdae still hasn’t told him what they will be doing, but they’ll be meeting in a bus stop near Joonmyun’s building. He wonders if he should be feeling a little nervous that he’s gonna be spending a day doing something he doesn’t even know; it also occurred to him that he doesn’t know what Jongdae does besides work in the restaurant in Sillim. Is that all he does, wait for people dining in a restaurant?

Soon enough he sees Jongdae getting off a bus and walking towards him with a bright grin ready on his face. “Am I late?”

“No, I’m just early.” He smiles back.

They walk along the pavement while Joonmyun pesters Jongdae for information about what they will be doing, but the other won’t budge.

“It’s nothing special, hyung, don’t worry! It’s not like I’ll just pull you to a rope and convince you to jump, if that’s what you’re worried about,” Jongdae says, slinging an arm across Joonmyun’s shoulder.

Joonmyun doesn’t shake it off. “Who knows; you’ll probably make a way to Bungee jump from the highest building here.”

“Now, now. Don’t give me ideas, hyung!” Jongdae sighs dramatically. “By the way, you’re wearing something casual today.”

Joonmyun gulps; he hasn’t really expected Jongdae to say anything about what he wears. For some reason it makes him nervous. “Is it going to be inappropriate for what we’ll do?”

“No.” Jongdae shakes his head, and the older one takes his time to check him out. Jongdae is wearing blue jeans and a plain white long-sleeved shirt rolled up to his elbows. “I just realized this is the first time I’ve seen you wear a shirt that has no buttons. You look better in casual.”

“Well, you look good, too,” he comments, because it’s true and because he’s always wanted to say that.

Jongdae gives him a grin, tightening the hold he has on Joonmyun. “Don’t I always?”

Before Joonmyun can say anything to that, he is being pulled inside a convenience store. He sits down on one of the stools as he watches his companion excitedly pull out something from a freezer. Jongdae goes to the cashier and pays for it.

“What’s that?” asks Joonmyun as he sits beside him, tearing the plastic and revealing two sticks in one ice pop. “Twin popsicles?”

Jongdae nods repeatedly as he hands one of the sticks to Joonmyun. Together, they pull it apart in a perfect crack. Smiling, they both lick their ice pops as they stand and walk outside to the warmth of the sun.

“Do you know what they say about the people who can break twin popsicles evenly?” Jongdae inquires after they’ve walked a little.

Joonmyun thinks, comes up with nothing, and admits, “I don’t.”

Jongdae is silent after that, but Joonmyun expects an answer due to plain curiosity so he turns to him, but the other has a wistful smile that he can’t bring to disturb.

 

 

Jongdae still hasn’t told him where they’re supposed to go, or what they’re supposed to do, but he does bring out the small video camera that he has when he first visited – dropped by – Joonmyun’s office.

“What do you do, Jongdae?” Joonmyun finally asks him as they walk along one of the corporate streets of Jamsil. “I mean, do you only work in the restaurant?”

Jongdae looks at him thoughtfully, popsicle still in his mouth, fingers fiddling with the video recorder’s settings. “Well, you haven’t told me what you do either. I only know you work in a glass-encased office.”

“Fair enough.” Joonmyun bashfully covers the lens of the recorder that is now trained on him. “I work as a human resources manager. We take care of everything, from the employees’ contracts to their medical results.”

“Seems…” he thinks of the appropriate word, sucking on the iced treat in his mouth, “boring.”

“Tell me what you do,” Joonmyun prompts fondly, finally giving up on covering himself from the camera. He doesn’t even bother to tell Jongdae that sometimes being a part of HR is fulfilling – seeing someone you hired become the best employee of the company and consequently prove that you made a good decision – because most of the time, he’s bored with it, too.

“What do you think do I do,” Jongdae says seriously, “I also work as porn actor, of course.”

When Joonmyun looks back to this moment in the future, he supposes the usual response to that kind of revelation is an awkward silence or incredulous comment, because honestly, how does one react when an attractive person tells you they expose themselves intimately for other people’s benefit?

But Jongdae is not anything close to usual. Joonmyun lets out a laugh. “Of course you are.”

Jongdae laughs with him, camera still facing Joonmyun. “You don’t believe me at all! But no kidding, I’m a student.”

“What are you taking?”

“Multimedia Arts. I want to study in New York in the future, so I work part time to save up,” he shares, focusing his camera on a different scene.

Jongdae is so absorbed in his recorder that he neglects checking where he’s walking.

The traffic lights change from red to green, the cars move .

And so does Jongdae.

Joonmyun feels his heart in his throat as he pulls Jongdae to his side, clutching the younger with his two arms as he watch the sedan that almost hit Jongdae drive past them with a violent honk.

“What the heck are you trying to do, Kim Jongdae,” he whispers, words a little harsh but countenance relaxing nonetheless. “Please watch where you’re going next time.”

He still hasn’t let go, and Jongdae doesn’t make to get out of his embrace. “Sorry.”

 

 

They are riding the subway when Joonmyun notices that Jongdae is silent, barely speaking unless answering questions that he asks out of the blue. He takes this opportunity to gaze on his face again and realizes that Jongdae is not spacing out, as he originally thinks – Jongdae is observing the other passengers intently, lips pursed lightly and eyes focused.

“What are you doing?” he asks Jongdae.

With that, Jongdae’s focus shifts on him. “The people.” Jongdae smiles.

Joonmyun frowns; he doesn’t see anything with the people that are worth that much attention. They all wear something suitable for a corporate environment, suits and skirt, dress shirts and slacks. They all look the same. It’s always that way.

However, Jongdae continues, “I’ve always done it since I was a kid – watch others and imagine how their lives are. I know I’m Jongdae, I work in a sundae restaurant, I study, I have family, I have friends, I like recording things. I wonder how they spend their lives, how they move in their own story. To them, I’m a nobody that only passes by their stories in a blur. They don’t know that I think about them and wonder how they live.

“And I don’t know them, but when I really look at them, I see their faces, expressions that mean something. You know? Some of them are tired, probably because of work; some of them are agitated, probably because of an emergency. Some kids look excited, though, probably because they’re going to Lotte World.” Jongdae ends his spiel with an indulgent smile.

Joonmyun knows he is staring, and this time not because of the sole reason that Jongdae is beautiful and pleasing to look at. He is staring because suddenly Jongdae is being deep and letting him inside his head so casually. He has never viewed these people in that intimate but impersonal way, never watched them like they have their own lives, even. He knows they have lives of course; it’s just that he never takes the initiative to remember it. It takes him another three seconds of looking straight at Jongdae’s lips to realize the last part of his speech.

“Are we on the way to Lotte World?” he asks carefully; he can’t believe he doesn’t even know the way to the infamous theme park of Songpa-gu.

Jongdae leans his head back when he laughs this time, exposing his Adam’s apple. “Did you seriously not realize that when we get on the subway?”

“Why are you so eager to go to a theme park?” Joonmyun ignores his question. “And for the record, I haven’t been to Lotte yet.”

“Really? Why?” Jongdae’s eyes are wide, it’s almost comical, but on him it’s just endearing.

“Didn’t have enough time to play,”

Beside him, Jongdae nods slowly. “I’m glad you found time today.”

 

 

When they get to Lotte World, Jongdae tries to pay for both their tickets, acting all sneaky on Joonmyun’s back. Voices raise and cards are pulled until Joonmyun wins the the classic hyung card, plus the fact that he’s not a college student working part time for his future.

Jongdae sulks for all of thirty seconds, grumbling about being the one who planned this, inconveniencing his hyung, and being the one always getting treated on free things, until he forgets to close his mouth halfway to his rant. Joonmyun can practically see Jongdae shrinking to his knees, turning from a young man in his early 20s to a toddler bouncing on his feet, too excited to stay still when surrounded by colorful lights and castles and other bizarre constructions.

“Wow,” he breathes. And just as he lets his feelings and vital signs calm down from all the lights and sounds, Joonmyun marvels on his exhilaration with a warm look.

He makes to get his camera and the older assumes that it’s to record the spectacle surrounding him, so he is fairly surprised when Jongdae trains the lens on him again.

“Hyung,” he says, “isn’t this a good place to be?” His smile is huge, and without a doubt, Joonmyun agrees.

“Of course.”

Of course.

 

 

Joonmyun still isn’t sure how the past few minutes happened.

One moment, Jongdae is enthusiastically telling Joonmyun why he’s always equipped with a small video recorder (“You never know when something worth perpetuating is going to happen, so better be ready than sorry!” he says while zooming in on Joonmyun’s lips.), and then the next, some tall stranger with impressive eyebrows and gums is clapping him on the back with a booming Wassup, man!, drawing stares from the nearest blonde tourists. It’s really nothing too overwhelming, since the new guy seems to be some sort of a friend to Jongdae, but the real problem is when Joonmyun looks at the hand enclosed inside the tall guy’s, and the face that connects with the arm is familiar.

“Baekhyun?” he says faintly.

It is Baekhyun indeed, and he wears a knowing smirk as he takes the liberty to stare at Jongdae’s arm leisurely draped across Joonmyun’s shoulders, even as the other chat with his companion. “Hi, Joonmyun!”

Kris and Jongdae abruptly turn to them with wide eyes. “You know each other?” they ask in unison.

“He’s technically my boss; I’m his intern,” Baekhyun helpfully supplies, but he looks too happy that Joonmyun can’t help but worry. Joonmyun tries to smile while simultaneously wondering how he’ll survive Baekhyun’s teasing this time.

Surprisingly, though, Baekhyun is a relatively nice and friendly as Jongdae and Yifan – as he introduced himself – introduce themselves to Baekhyun and Joonmyun, telling them that Yifan is Jngdae’s senior in university, and that they have one core subject together. Baekhyun is a little more formal to Joonmyun now than when they are in the office, but Joonmyun certainly doesn’t mind that. For once, Baekhyun is treating him as his teacher.

It’s all well and good until his intern suggested a Double Date.

 

 

Joonmyun has two problems with this idea: the first one is that Baekhyun has a special talent in the area of embarrassing him and obviously, he does not want to be embarrassed in front of Jongdae; and the second. Well, the second is that he’s not even sure Jongdae means for this outing to be a date.

 

 

Two seconds after Baekhyun’s invitation, Jongdae looks at Joonmyun as if for approval, and then he says giddily, “Sure!”

 

 

Baekhyun is really really fond of Mr. Kim Joonmyun. He’s hyper aware that his way of showing his admiration for his trainer is unorthodox, teasing him to death in the office and saying embarrassing things about him. But it’s just because those are the only moments that Joonmyun shows emotion that is not boredom or downright sadness. It reeks of him sometimes, especially when there’s no job left for him to do for the day and he’s just gazing through the glass windows. He looks desolated, and because Baekhyun doesn’t know how to cheer people up, he teases him instead.

However, inviting Joonmyun and Yifan’s friend in an impromptu double date is not him teasing Joonmyun; he just wants to confirm if this Jongdae guy is the reason why the human resources officer is brighter now, smiling at people and humming in the halls. Baekhyun wants to be sure Joonmyun is happy; he likes him after all.

He hears Jongdae excuse himself to buy something or another, Joonmyun smiles uneasily, but looks fine. When Jongdae comes back with a bag of blue cotton candy, Yifan jokingly urges them to line for Drunken Basket. Baekhyun knows when to take him seriously, and this time is not one of them. He turns back to tell Joonmyun and Jongdae not to indulge him.

“You guys, please don’t,” he starts. “This giant idiot got all dizzy the one time we tried that ride; it’s just one of his absurd ideas.”

Jongdae chuckles good-naturedly while tugging some of the pink-colored sweet. “Yifan hyung is funny that way.”

Yifan explains himself, frowning, “Maybe the certain Basket that we rode that time wasn’t friendly, Baek. Let’s try to find a friendlier Basket this time.”

Baekhyun is about to tell his boyfriend how stupid that idea is, but Jongdae is feeding Joonmyun the cotton candy and Joonmyun is opening his lips automatically, like this is the most natural thing in the world. The two of them seem to not even notice the action since they’re both still casually laughing and considering attractions to ride.

And so Baekhyun keeps quiet, only shares a knowing smile with Yifan and agrees to go on Bumper Car.

 

 

Jongdae likes keeping moments frozen in time. He likes the idea of knowing that even though his brain can’t keep his memories stored perfectly forever, he has videos and pictures of the times that he wants to reminisce. That way, he’ll never forget the reasons that make him happy, that makes him contented, that makes him alive.

This is why he likes taking pictures and videos of Joonmyun hyung when the other isn’t looking. After all, you only show what you really feel when you think no one is watching, and Joonmyun looks carefree and happy when they’re together. Jongdae likes that.

Jongdae likes that, and he wants to make it forever his.

 

 

They’ve been to half of the rides for lovers and half of the rides for kids – the four of them are tired but high with adrenaline at the same time. Running around the amusement park like children does that to adults. Yifan, in particular, looks silly; Joonmyun feels laid back because he can’t even remember doing this sort of activity anymore – playing around.

Before the sun sets, Baekhyun and Yifan say their goodbyes, telling the other two that they plan to have dinner after watching the sunset from a nice view. Jongdae thinks that’s okay, since he can’t afford to have interruptions when he does what he’s planning to do. It’s not a spur of the moment; he’s always thought about it ever since he’s met Joonmyun. He guesses things like that happen – you meet someone and when it’s the right someone you suddenly see yourself falling in love.

It’s what’s happening to him.

Beside him, Joonmyun has a pleased expression, looking out at the crowd while waiting for the music and floats that come with the parade. It’s getting dark already, and the throng of people is getting thicker by the minute. Joonmyun’s arm is pressed close to his side, its warmth seeping straight into Jongdae’s skin.

“Jongdae.” Jongdae’s attention snaps into focus. “Thanks for asking me to do this thing with you,” Joonmyun tells him quietly. The crowd is noisy, but he clearly hears the gratitude.

Jongdae nudges their shoulders playfully. “So you’re having fun?”

“I am.” Joonmyun nudges him back with that million-won smile. Jongdae is half-sure that smile can make a movie become a box office hit. He breathes heavily.

“We should continue doing a thing, then?”

The older of the two makes to reply, but suddenly the booming music of the floats are interrupting them both. Trucks of other-worldly appearance distract him. Jongdae sees how new this is to him; his eyes are wide open – like Kyungsoo’s – and he’s barely blinking. His smile is still bright, getting brighter, and he looks so happy and beautiful and ethereal and

Jongdae can’t contain himself.

He grasps one of Joonmyun’s hands, stopping the other from clapping them in approval like the gentleman that he is. Joonmyun is surprised, but Jongdae has to say something.

“Hyung,” he says.

“Jongdae?” Joonmyun responds. He’s waiting and Jongdae wants to say the words, he really does, but the lights are blinding him and his head and senses are filled with Joonmyun and he can’t remember how to properly formulate what he needs to say.

So instead he blurts out, “I really really want to kiss you.”

The moment the words are out his brain decides to properly work again, just in time to let the horrifying possibility of Joonmyun rejecting him painfully sink into his consciousness. For two excruciating seconds the two of them just stare at each other’s dumbfounded faces, absorbing the moment and slowly dying.

“Right now?” Joonmyun breaks the silence with a mischievous grin. “I mean. There are kids around.”

A delirious laugh is threatening to spill from inside Jongdae’s guts as he watch Joonmyun look around them to emphasize his point. Jongdae takes Joonmyun’s face between his hands, holding him closely to his own. “All the time. Right now, later, always.”

“Is that synonymous to ‘I like you’?” Joonmyun wonders aloud, tilting his head to the side. “Because if it is, I think… I think I really really want to kiss you too.”

 

 

They don’t kiss after their confession, because there are kids around.

But they kiss in Joonmyun’s place – lips on lips, skin on skin. Against his door. In his couch. In the kitchen. In his bedroom.

 

 

“Why do you think are they called skyscrapers?”

Joonmyun looks up from his laptop to stare at his lover, who is sitting on the floor, forehead pressed against the glass of his floor-to-ceiling window. He likes looking out at the night sky, usually, but now his attention is on the buildings.

“Do you think it’s because they’re so tall, that they can scrape the sky with the tips of the concrete?” Jongdae continues, and then he sends Joonmyun a sheepish smile. “The name is self-explanatory, right. Sorry.”

Joonmyun laughs. “You got it, though.”

He half-expects Jongdae to run and tackle him, distract him from his work and seduce him into bed – like what is usually happening for the past few nights, since that night they made it official – but Jongdae just brings his attention back to the tall constructions of metal and glass.

Jongdae says, “I like being surrounded by these tall things. It’s like being at the top of the world just by looking at them.”

“You seem to like living in the city,” Joonmyun comments while standing up. He closes the distance between him and Jongdae and sits beside the other on the floor, wrapping him in his own warmth.

Jongdae gives him a playful kiss on the nose. “And you don’t. I can tell.”

“You’re right. I just got sick of all these at some point.” Joonmyun rests his head in the crook of Jongdae’s neck, tickling the other with his hair and making him chuckle.

“When you feel that way again, just look at the skyscrapers and imagine how you can climb them and knock at the sky’s floor, or jump from them and land at the clouds.” Jongde frowns. “No, you probably shouldn’t jump or climb at them.”

Joonmyun laughs, the musical sound of it ringing inside the dark and silent apartment. Jongdae silently relishes in the vibrations of Jongdae’s amusement. It’s these little things that make him sure his hyung is content, that his hyung feels light and does not feel any burden.

“Or I can just look at you, silly.”

Joonmyun starts to kiss him full on, and no one says anything for quite some time.

 

 

Joonmyun is a little confused about what he should be feeling at this moment.

He is excited, because after some years he’s finally reconnecting with his fist love – biking – but he’s also very worried and weirded out.

“I still don’t understand why you want to record this,” he says for the nth time. “Is it for future blackmail material?”

But Jongdae won’t budge and ignores the last comment. “This is the first time you’re getting on a bike after a couple of years – as you said – and this used to be your favorite activity – as you said – so obviously, this moment is a moment. I need to record it!”

It’s a bit of a mistake to tell Jongdae that he liked biking when he was younger – it’s a price efficient and healthy way to de-stress, and he needed that – but to be fair to himself, he really did not mean to let the little fact slip. He has been defenseless when Jongdae spotted the old picture of him in a suspender and sweater, riding a bike back during high school, and proceeded to thoroughly convince him to spill the story.

And now they’re in a park with a rented bicycle, with Jongdae holding his handy camera and Joonmyun squirming in his place.

Joonmyun is highly tempted to throw a tantrum, but Jongdae can probably throw a bigger one.

So after a few seconds of a staring down each other, he relents with a pout, “Fine.”

 

 

Two hours and a dead camera battery later, Joonmyun and Jongdae sit side by side on a bench, each of them licking their respective popsicles.

“Wasn’t that fun, hyung?” Jongdae nudges his side. He looks so smug that his cheekbones seem to be more defined than ever.

“It was tiring. I’m exhausted,” Joonmyun groans, although somehow inside of him he knows he found something he lost sometime between highschool and growing up in the real world. He plants a quick and sticky kiss on Jongdae’s temple. “But thanks; I guess I did miss it.”

Jongdae conspicuously wipes his temple on Joonmyun’s hundred-dollar sweater and keeps it there before he says, “I know, hyung. I know.”

Joonmyun smiles at Jongdae’s antics, shaking his head; he remembers the first time Jongdae makes them eat twin popsicles. “You remember the first time we had twin popsicles?”

“Hmm.”

“You said it means something when the popsicles break in a perfect line.”

“Yeah.” Jongdae gives him a funny look. “And now that I think about it, I can’t believe you didn’t know what that means. That’s like a basic urban couple myth.”

“I’ve never dated before so…”

“Oh.” Jongdae sucks on his popsicle while a serious expression settles on his face. “So I’m your first?”

Heat spreads from Joonmyun’s neck up to his face, and he knows he’s blushing. But seriously, must Jongdae word it that way?

He tries to reply casually. “You can say it like that.”

The serious expression is gone, and Joonmyun covers Jongdae’s smirk with his hand.

 

 

Sometimes, Joonmyun divides his life into a Before and an After. Before is when he was alone, when he has had enough of his surroundings, of the people around him, and sometimes of himself; Before is before Jongdae smoothly walks into his life. Naturally, After is when he has company, when he appreciates the same place that he used to feel such repulsion for for being the same every single day, when learns to notice and feel thankful that the sun is shining and warm and bright; After is after Jongdae shows him how home feels like.

When people undergo epiphanies like this, it is only inevitable that the people around them take notice. This is why Joonmyun is not very surprised when Kyungsoo very graciously drops a visit in his office again. He even brings back up in the form of Chanyeol and Zitao – Joonmyun’s first hires when he got into the company – who both look excited in their own ways.

“Aren’t you three supposed to be working?” he kids, because he knows no one can enforce these people to work when they’re not in the mood – it’s just counter-productive.

Zitao walks straight to him and sits on his lap. This would have been inappropriate if Zitao isn’t a five-year-old child residing in a tall and generally intimidating Chinese man. Joonmyun pats him on the back with a fond smile when Zitao hugs him and proceeds to makes cute faces.

“Hyung, I missed you,” he says. “I barely stay in the office anymore.”

Chanyeol makes an unimpressed face. “I can’t believe that face can convince people to buy anything. I’m still mystified how he does it.”

Joonmyun knows – he’s the one who sourced and gave Zitao the opportunity for the job that he has now. He turns to see how big the changes in Zitao are with his now blonde hair and thick eyeliner. Even with him clinging to Joonmyun like a koala, the HR manager can never not remember how this kid used to be a scrawny newly-grad from China, now showing off his interpersonal skills and becoming successful in his field, convincing people that they need their product and keeping it that way, their sales attracting other potential talented employees to apply and therefore further improving the team of their company.

Zitao is one of the people that remind Joonmyun his job is worth working hard for.

Kyungsoo breaks his reverie by shaking his desk with a blank face.

“So how’s life?” he asks casually, as if him asking about Joonmyun’s life can ever be considered casual.

“Yeah, we haven’t gone out in a while, and you’re looking good!” Chanyeol says enthusiastically, his deep voice a little overwhelming. “Baekhyun said you’ve been dating!”

“And you didn’t tell us! You should have told me at least if you didn’t want Chanyeol to know!” Zitao pouts while Chanyeol attempts to flick him on the ear. Kyungsoo looks at them indifferently. “Baekhyun said it’s been four months already! Is that true?”

“Yes but. It’s working hours,” Joonmyun groans, but a grin is threatening to break out. “I can tell you later?”

 

 

Instantly Zitao and Chanyeol urge him to spill the story of how he met the guy he’s dating, how everything happens, how they are now. Mostly though, the two of them are just ecstatic and relieved that finally, Joonmyun is looking happy. It’s a look that definitely suits him, but it’s also the look that had slowly seeped out of him through the years.

Now it’s all coming back in full force, and Kim Joonmyun is practically glowing. Whoever this Kim Jongdae is, he is very good for their Joonmyun.

 

 

“Let’s go have drinks after work, then,” Kyungsoo suggests. His gaze at Joonmyun is pointed, but the other understands.

This is why he slightly cowers as he almost whispers, “How about tomorrow?”

“Why tomorrow?”

“Why not later?”

“You did say later.”

“Yeah, and we haven’t caught up in a long time, hyung!”

“Well,” he starts, and hopes that his reason is valid enough to let them off the hook. “Jongdae is coming over tonight, so… But definitely tomorrow! I’ll even treat—”

“Wait.” Zitao holds up his hand as Chanyeol’s eyes grow bigger, Joonmyun’s words sinking in. “Did you say Jongdae is coming over tonight? Like, coming over?”

His hires give him an astonished look, like the thought of Joonmyun Getting Some has never occurred in their minds – it probably didn’t.

Meanwhile, Kyungsoo slowly claps his hands, like he’s a proud father of a groom, and declares smugly, “He’s grown some.”

 

 

Joonmyun and Jongdae lie on the bed, snuggling in post-coital bliss with the sheets tangled between their legs. The orange glow of the setting sun infiltrates the room through the curtains drawn on the window glasses, the color setting itself on the walls, on the furniture, on their skin.

“Hyung, I think you’ll look good in blonde,” Jongdae says out of nowhere, his fingers combing through the older one’s black locks softly. ”Your skin is so light; you’ll look like a deity.”

Joonmyun doesn’t miss the implication of that rather innocent comment. By now, he has learned to tune in to his lover’s whims and suggestions. Of course, Jongdae never imposes as far as he’s concerned, but he might just as well do – both of them know Joonmyun cannot ignore Jongdae when he starts convincing him in different ways until he gives in. Still, he tries, “No.”

Right on cue, Jongdae scoots closer to him, his lips lightly touching the other’s neck. “But think about it,” he starts in murmurs, but gradually his voice gets all excited and rushed, “You’ll be really bright, and when you interview applicants they’ll be astonished that such handsome exists and they’ll gladly accept whatever job offer you have for them, and the present applicants won’t be able to leave the company and lessen the turnover because you’re there and they can look at you all the time.” He frowns. “Actually—”

Actually, Jongdae forgets to finish that sentence, because by then Joonmyun is already moving his hips and Jongdae is young and insatiable and definitely knows how to take a hint.

But the last afterglow of the sun for the day hits Joonmyun’s eyes and they turn a curious shade of chocolate brown and Jongdae is dazed, practically. He wonders how he’s going to deal with not seeing these, with not being beside Joonmyun.

He kisses Joonmyun’s left eye, and then the other. “I love your eyes,” he whispers as he moves to nuzzle his nose along the other’s jaw. “You have lovely eyes, hyung.”

Joonmyun’s face is serious when he says, “How about my lips? I have lovely lips, too.”

Jongdae kisses that, too.

 

 

Later when the night is deep and the sky is in its deepest shade, Jongdae picks up his clothes silently and leaves a CD with a note.

 

 

His day starts with the annoyingly shrill sound of his alarm.

Kim Joonymun gets up at the first sound, stretching his arms out wide and popping his neck to get rid of stiff feeling. He makes coffee, toasts bread, makes a sandwich and packs it in a Ziplock bag. With that he leaves the building in his car and drives to his office.

The skyscrapers and the traffic and the people constantly bustling about in the road and in the pavements used to fascinate him, and they don’t anymore, but he also doesn’t want to make them disappear, doesn’t want to leave this place and its memories.

 

 

When he gets in his office and sits behind his desk, he sets his tumbler on a corner and eats his sandwich, while perusing his emails. There, a smile blooms on his face and when Kyungsoo stops by, he doesn’t ask about it. Kyungsoo knows why Joonmyun is okay.

“Something nice happened?” he asks as he settles on a chair in front of Joonmyun.

Joonymun looks at him, surprised. “Ah yes. Jongdae sent me an email. Apparently, his Chinese roommate Lu Han took his phone to try and steal my number again.”

It’s been two weeks since Joonmyun woke up alone in his bed, when the side where Jongdae usually sleeps was cold and empty; only a CD and a note that tells him to watch it remain.

And when he did watch it, he didn’t know how to feel – heck, he still wonders if how he feels about the situation is normal, or it’s just his overwhelming love for Jongdae that keeps him intact.

(“Hyung,” Jongdae says in his video. “I’m probably on my way to New York once you’ve seen this.”

New York? Joonmyun blinks fast, because maybe this is just a hallucination, his mind working so fast to catch up from dreaming to reality. What is Jongdae going to do in New York?

“Remember those videos that I always take? I made them into a short movie. I told you I’ve always wanted to study abroad, and before we met someone told me to pass an entry for a scholarship sponsor. Well, I also included that short movie in this DVD so you can watch it.” Jongdae scratches his head bashfully, and it’s then that it starts to process in Joonmyun’s brain. That Jongdae is gone and Jongdae didn’t tell him.

“But,” Jongdae continues, tone contrite, “I’m sorry I didn’t even tell you about this scholarship, or about my plan to go. I just. I didn’t want you to have to choose between being selfish and not let me go, or being selfless and actually let me go – I’d probably feel bad for different reasons then.”

“You’re so stupid.”

“I’m so stupid. But that’s how I thought it’d be better for the two of us.”

Jongdae looks into the camera, into Joonmyun’s eyes, and in all seriousness, says, “My Joonmyun, I’m sorry, but I like you so much and I couldn’t leave if you knew I’d leave and I’d see in your eyes how much or how less you’d miss me. I think I love you because even as I record this, I already miss you. So you better answer when I call!”)

Kyungsoo raises an eyebrow. “This Lu Han person seems interested in you.”

“Nah, I think he just likes annoying Jongdae, to be honest.” Joonmyun is already typing a reply, his fingers flying across the keyboard.

If they’re just going to be honest, Kyungsoo does not understand how Joonmyun came to act like his boyfriend didn’t just leave him in the middle of the night and called like nothing happened. But it’s not his business. Joonmyun is still better than he was before Jongdae came in his life.

 

 

“So I told him politely to get out of the apartment first since I’m going to make an important video call.”

Joonmyun and Jongdae are engaged in a video call as they catch up with each other’s days. Jongdae is telling the other about his classes and about Lu Han who’s still determined to get the number of the guy in Jongdae’s videos.

“Well, why don’t you just let him get my number, and then maybe he’ll stop bugging you?” Joonmyun suggests, just to spite Jongdae – after all, he’s still a tiny little bit bitter that Jongdae didn’t tell him about this whole thing.

But it’s really okay. He understands what Jongdae meant in his video – he wouldn’t know what he’d do if Jongdae did tell him that’s gonna be leaving, so it’s almost better that the decision has been made for him.

“Hyung,” whines Jongdae.

Joonmyun sighs, and again he feels the urge to remind Jongdae for the thousandth time, “Hey, I know I’ve told you this already, but please don’t keep me in the dark next time. It could damage us.”

“I know, hyung, I’m sorry.”

And again he’s forgiven.

 

 

On a Friday night, Joonmyun decides to treat Kyungsoo, Baekhyun, Zitao, and Chanyeol out where he met his boyfriend.

He hasn’t been back to the sundae restaurant in a while, and he can say that he does miss it. This is where he met Jongdae after all. This place is gold to him.

They stay in the restaurant until closing time, until they’re all pleased and a little drunk and Kyungsoo had to be dragged out before he kills Jongin with his fists.

And sometime between reminiscing about his first time here to looking at his friends smile and laugh, he finally figures out what he must do. He laughs in the middle of drinking, and it’s funny, the way the others are looking at him weirdly, the way the thought never occurred to him earlier when it’s so obvious.

Because Seoul is a great place with great people, it’s beautiful in its own right. But this is not home.

Joonmyun knows where his home is, and he will go there.

 

 

It’s been 18 hours since the last message from Joonmyun alerted Jongdae’s phone and his nerves are starting to fray around the edges. Some – Lu Han – will say it’s just a few hours and that he’s overreacting, but ever since his first call to Joonmyun when he got here, the other hasn’t missed at least two hours of not sending him anything. What if the other has decided to not forgive him for good? What if he found another one?

“What if you’re just this big crazy neurotic guy who’s worrying over nothing?”

Jongdae unearths his head from under a pile of pillows and his blanket. “Lu Han. Please.” He notices that his roommate is carrying all sorts of bags that seem to carry the entire content of his room. “Having a sleepover?”

“Ha ha.” Lu Han makes an ugly mocking face. “I’m moving out.” And he steps out of Jongdae’s room to emphasize his point, heading straight to the door.

“What.” Jongdae follows him out in a daze because what the hell? “What about me? How am I going to afford this entire apartment by myself? Why are you only telling me now?”

“Chill.”

“You can afford your own apartment now?”

“No. Someone else is going to move in with you, duh. Like I’d be able to afford to rent a solo place.” Lu Han keeps pulling faces, it’s really distracting. “Someone else will pay the apartment next door while I still pay my rent here, okay.”

If anything, his explanation only confuses Jongdae more. Why would anyone pay anything for Lu Han?

“Why would–” Before he finishes that thought, a blonde head peeks in between the door frame and Lu Han’s body, still blocking the way out. “Uh.”

“Hello,” the blonde says in perfect Korean. “I think I live here?”

Another look and Jongdae is pretty sure he believes his roommate about him being crazy. That should be why he’s seeing Joonmyun’s face in a blonde who happens to speak perfect Korean. Nonetheless, he blinks rapidly, hoping that with certain amount of closing and opening his eyes, his vision will do its job properly and let him see clearly.

It’s still Joonmyun.

“Yeah, you definitely live here.” He hears his roommate say enthusiastically. “So nice to finally meet you, Kim Joonmyun.”

Lu Han leaves the two of them after that, with the blonde that is supposed to be Joonmyun walks past Jongdae, who is still stunned.

“Hyung?” he says carefully. This is too surreal.

And then he smiles, and Jongdae laughs somewhat hysterically because, yes, this is Joonmyun with his bags and his smile and his warmth and kisses.

Jongdae pulls on Joonmyun’s coat and tugs him close, so close that their noses rub against each other softly, so close that when Jongdae closes his eyes and smells Joonmyun’s cologne and distinct smell it immediately brings him back to the other’s apartment – to the first time they did it.

Joonmyun’s hands find his tattered shirt and pull him even closer as he steps back so his back is against the shut door. Their lips meet halfway and really, Jongdae can’t stop.

But Joonmyun is breaking away and so no one can blame Jongdae when he accidentally moans in protest. Seriously.

“I forgot to tell you!” Joonmyun exclaims, anxious and Jongdae panics for one painful second before the other continues, “I brought sundae!”

Jongdae muffles the laughter bubbling out of him on his lover’s neck. God bless sundae.

**Author's Note:**

> Longest fic I wrote for Livejournal's Critical Capture fic exchange. Thanks for reading!


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